For this project, I was initially very overwhelmed as it was a topic which I have little to no experience of. But by creating mind maps, researching, and creating story boards, I soon began to feel a little more confident. But there was still a lot of apprehension. Soon after, I had mind mapped all my ideas, I knew exactly what I was going to do.
Sadly, my Nan, Mary Graham passed away in January which left me feeling alone and upset. So, after hearing about what the brief was and how broad it was. I soon knew that my journey throughout the grief of my Nan was going to be perfect for me to film about. I was thinking about titles and one thing that really stuck in my mind was whenever my Nan hung up the phone she would always say “I will let you go now.” I immediately knew that it was the perfect title for my documentary. For my research, I could not really delve too deep into the topic. Due to how soon after my Nans passing it was. I could not go asking my family all about her past. So, I wrote everything that I knew about my nan onto one piece of paper and went from there. I had researched into grief using various sources which can include books, websites, and primary research that I did asking people I knew about their own experiences with grief. Then came the difficult part, filming. This was especially difficult because I was going to be filming some raw footage of myself being upset. But I knew that this was going to be helpful for me when processing the grief. As soon as I had filmed my first bit of footage, I encountered a problem. The footage was not in focus. Unfortunately, it was not in focus because it was the first-time filming on a DSLR camera. I then gave up using the DSLR camera and began to use my phone which worked out to be better for the style of filming that I was going to do. Due to the unexpected points in filming, it was more accessible for me to use. Therefore, it worked in my favour. When looking at the footage that I had captured throughout the time of my Nan’s passing and funeral, I soon realised that I had too much footage. I had easily one and a half hours' worth of nonsense if I am honest. But I proceeded to go through that footage, taking the bits that I liked out and cropping the footage on my phone before beginning to edit using Premiere Pro as this was a software that I was not very comfortable with. When editing the footage, I came upon loads of different problems. At first, I could not alter the audio to quieten the background noise and general white noise. But I soon solved that problem by going onto YouTube and searching how do I alter the audio in Premiere Pro 2022. This then proved to be another problem, due to Premiere Pro 2022 only coming out recently, I had to go off what was previously shown on older YouTube videos. I eventually solved this problem and had gotten rid of the background noise. Then I encountered another problem which was that I could not add text or images over the top of the video and audio. But after a little while of messing around having a good look through premiere pro on an unrelated video. I finally had figured out how to do this. Finally, it came to the point where we were showing our Documentaries in class to the rest of the students in my class, I was nervous and apprehensive due to the subject matter. But, when my documentary was being shown to the other students and my tutors, I had left the room because of two reasons, one being that I found it exceedingly difficult to edit never mind watch it as a viewer and the other reason being that I simply do not like the sound of my own voice like many other people. When I came back into the room, I was impressed by the reaction. This was my baby for just over 10 weeks, and I was pleased to find that everyone liked my documentary. There was some feedback, and this was that there should have been some photos over the top of my original letter to my Nan to allow the audience to be captivated and not lose interest in the mini documentary. In addition, it was said that there should have been more photos of me and my Nan which was one of my greatest regrets from when she was alive, that I never took any photos with her. Overall, I am extremely proud of myself for being able to complete a documentary which means so much to me as well as having the courage to show others the documentary. This was the first documentary I have ever made, and I think that it was a successful documentary. I found it a lot more enjoyable and pleasing than I originally thought. This being said, I found that I was faced with many problems. If I were to redo the documentary, I would ensure that my footage was shot in landscape and not portrait and that there were more photos during the main scene. To conclude, my documentary has really motivated me to be less critical when looking at my own work and to have some more self-belief. I really thought that this project was going to be quite difficult, but I was pleasantly surprised with the final piece that I have made. This week has rolled around when I need to figure out how to edit using adobe Premier Pro. After having some basic knowledge from previous lessons at the college, I still felt a bit out of depth when editing. This is where I found some useful editing help using the adobe suite and using YouTube. Below is one of the videos that I used to help me edit the documentary. One problem which did arise was that all of the videos were created before the recent adobe update. But, in spite of this, I ensured that I worked around my problems to try to create solutions.
References: Walbeck, P., 2021. 8 Steps to Edit a Video in Premiere Pro (Start to Finish). [image] Available at: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQDGJn89uNk> [Accessed 17 March 2022]. So technically, my filming didn't commence during week 8. I started a mini video diary when my nan passed away in order to help me cope with the loss which was suggested by my therapist. However, this being said, I did a final filming shoot where it was a while after the funeral, my final thoughts and how I think the journey through grief has gone and what I am going to do in the future.
To film I decided to use my Samsung Galaxy A52s 5g phone. I did this because of the easily accessibility of my phone where I could film throughout my process. In addition to the phone, I also plugged in my AGPTEK Clip-on Lapel Omnidirectional Condenser Mic to record the sound this allowed my voice to be more easily heard whilst filming at a distance from my phone in some cases. There was one issue when I tried to film with a DSLR where I was not in focus. So after that I gave up trying to film with a DSLR and carried on filming using my phone due to it being easy to use. After careful consideration, there was some risks which I will mention in the Risk assessment. But due to the majority of filming in my own bedroom, there wasn't many risks.
So these two weeks, we were encouraged to do a lot of research surrounding our topics that we have chosen. My topic is all around how I am dealing with the grief of my nan, I thought that the research element of this would be difficult as I already know a lot about my nan and it still is too difficult to ask my family about her as they are still grieving. Therefore, I decided to research all about grief. However that being said, I will also write some information about my nan below. My Nan - Mary Rose Graham (17th March 1941 - 15th January 2022)My nan was born on the 17th March 1941, to parents Patrick and Mary and was sister to Kathy and Geoff. She met a man on holiday in Great Yarmouth named Geoffrey where they began a long-distance courtship. They finally got married at Birmingham Registry Office on the 23rd October 1965. Many years later she had her three children; Belinda, Michael (My dad) and Jackie. My nan was a lover of cooking and was always wearing her piny. She used to made loads of foods like apple pie, jam tarts and Stew! She was a lover of Christmas, where she used to watch the whole family be happy and together where family meant the world to her. Her favourite artists were Cliff Richard and Abba. Sadly, the love of her life passed away in 2017, leaving my nan devastated by the loss of her best friend. But she fought through the sadness to spoil all of us, and she kept fighting through all the illness until her last day on the 15th January. Anyone that knew my nan was privileged to meet her. She was the most loving, kind inspirational woman which will be remembered in our hearts and memories forever. GriefGrief is an emotion which is different for everyone. When someone may feel sadness, another person could feel angry. Grief does not have to come from the loss of a loved one, it could be from a diagnosis, or the loss of what may be gone very soon. Grief is a journey that isn't linear. Almost like a rollercoaster, where there are some better days (Higher points) and some bad days (lower points). As grief is known today, there are 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.. Denial When people have been told that someone has passed away, in order to deal with the overwhelming feelings, it is easier for someone to not believe that it has occurred rather than accepting that it has happened. Anger Due to the build up of emotions and feelings, the body has to let out some emotions in order to heal easier. These emotions tend to come out as extreme anger. This is a very helpful part of grief as it allows us to express our emotions without feeling judged or rejected. Bargaining As a result of all of overwhelming emotions, a person may feel desperate to do anything to get rid of their pain. This leaves people promising in order for the person to be alive again. An example of this would be "If you bring them back to life, I will be better, I won't get angry ever again.". Depression Over time, the overwhelming feelings will dissipate. Leaving people feeling sad whilst looking at the reality of the situation. This is due to the overwhelming emotional fog beginning to clear leaving it feeling like you have to deal with the loss of the loved one, almost being unavoidable. Acceptance After dealing with the emotions associated with the loss of a loved one, the sadness will start to disappear in your every day life. Leaving the sadness to appear with the simplest of reminders of loved ones. Like a favourite drink, film, music etc. The pain will never go completely away, but your appreciation for knowing that person would increase and the person will feel like they can finally start to get back on track again. This being said, not everyone will go through all of the stages of grief, or will go through the same process. The pain is just yours. The emotional processing is different to each person. StoryboardJVC HM62OEFor this week's lesson, we had Callum come down and introduce us to the film cameras that we could use. The first film camera which he showed us was the JVC HM620E. Below is a labelled diagram which my tutor Emma created for us to use for further use when we are out filming on location. Personally, I found this camera fairly easy to use, and had all modes well laid out making it fairly user friendly, as long as you knew what some of the terminology meant. As I know what the terminology meant from my use of the DSLR cameras, it was easy to understand for myself. JVC HM170EThen a week later, we was introduced to the JVC HM17OE film camera. To me this camera is a slightly more basic version of the camera above. Below is a picture that I have found of the camera and it being labelled with what each button means. I liked this camera, but I feel like the previous camera was easier to use for me. I found that the controls were easier to use on the previous camera. However, that being said, I think that I could also use this camera for my documentary. Due to the nature of my documentary, my filming will be done with a DSLR or my mobile phone.After being introduced to the short documentary brief, we had a session with Emma Jukes where we shared our ideas as a class to allow those with no ideas to branch out and really look at what we could do. In the process, we all made mindmaps of ideas that we could potentially use. However, to allow you to be able to really read the ideas, I put these ideas into a list of potential topics to discuss within the documentary. These ideas are as follows:
For the documentary, I knew that I wanted something which was very close to my heart and with my Nan passing away on the 15th January, I knew that this was the perfect opportunity to create a documentary that really meant something to me. That being said, I personally had to ask my family to make sure that they were happy with me doing a documentary which had reference to my nan and her passing. Of which, they were all okay with me doing so. My Idea: My nan has always been someone that was kind compassionate and loving. She would have wanted me to try to help people that have been through or are going through similar things to me. Therefore, I have decided to do my documentary all about the grief that I have faced since my nan passed away. Which will show some good parts of the grieving process, and some really upsetting parts.
Title:I will let you go now What I will do:The whole purpose of my documentary will be to allow people to know that they are not alone when they are suffering from grief as it is an isolating and lonely place. It will include images of my nan and videos of me documenting my journey through the grieving process after losing my nan in January this year. Therefore, because it being a personal documentary I will only be shooting me alone. Also, because of the nature of the documentary I didn't really know when I would be upset so therefore, I had to use my mobile phone for the filming as it is easily accessible to me at all times.
The Beast InsideThe link to the video is here. The Beast Inside was the story of a young homeless teenager named Tilawn, the documentary includes all about how difficult his left has been after dealing with homelessness and then being brought into a house. He talks about how his friends have gotten into drugs and can’t afford to eat because of homelessness. During the documentary it also mentions about how he got prejudged for who he was which really made me tear up. I personally do not think that anyone should be judged for who they are. The whole documentary was shot in a rugged manner, almost to imply how his time on the streets felt to him. All the documentary was illustrated with no real-life footage being shot. But I do think that this was done for meaning to the documentary with it being that if they put the real Tilawn into the documentary, I feel like it wouldn’t have had the same effect on a viewer as it does with animations. The whole of the documentary was shot in a harmonious colour scheme. Almost to imply struggles. The monologue in the first scene was lyrics from a rap that Tilawn had written himself. This brings it home that even the most talented individuals can have things bad that have occurred in their life. As someone that never usually watches documentaries because I find them boring at times, I found this one to be fascinating. It made me want to learn and research more about Tilawn’s life and how he got to the place that he is at today because I know it wouldn’t have been an easy journey to get to where he is today. Beyond YearsThe link to the video is here.
Beyond years is the story about how a couple named Tim and Sarah McEown who have a 22-year age gap had never thought about the age gap being a problem until Tim had a heart attack. Tim talks about how when Sarah had phoned the ambulance, Sarah was packing an overnight bag for Tim, which made Tim think about how much Sarah appreciated him, how he was going to come home. This made Tim think about how much he loved her. 6 weeks later they got married. The documentary was shot in a more sophisticated way, which could reflect their maturity of being a couple with a larger age gap. The documentary was an animation throughout the whole time, with no video of them or their circumstances. I think this was again done for a reason, to not take your mind away from the actual story, almost to bring your mind straight to the story to make sure that you focus on the story and not them as a couple. My Nan and Grandad had an 18-year age gap, so this documentary really hit home. Whilst watching the documentary I kept thinking about my Nan and Grandad’s relationship and how when my Grandad went into the hospital after having a heart attack, she packed him a bag. But unfortunately, he never came home, so I guess this almost was a what if my grandad had survived type of thing. I think this documentary can resonate with a lot of people. Therefore, the documentary is perfect. |
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